User Profile

I'm a 47 year old female who is currently going through a divorce. This has been the most difficult time of my life. I was married for 23 years, and with my husband for 25 years. We met in college and it was love at first sight. Things were good at first, despite numerous small problems. It was my fault for not realizing that the small problems were indicative of larger problems, that were already starting to occur. It seemed like he started to distance himself from me, but he wouldn't talk about any problems or issues. I loved him so much that I wanted to do something to restore our closeness, but nothing made a difference. I finally discovered that he had been having cyber affairs, and was in love with another woman, a bondage and s&m model. We went through marriage counseling and said it was over, but he lied and continued to have contact with her. In his last e-mails to her that I saw, he told her that she meant more to him than I did, and he didn't care if he hurt me. In addition to this event, I found out he had been flirting with certain woman he worked with in the past - basically flirtation on the level of cyber sex.

I feel shocked, betrayed, and devastated. Our whole marriage has been a farce. I don't see how he possibly ever loved me or cared for me with the things he's been doing behind my back. His addictions got so bad that he spent most of his time at work looking at porn. He's been fired from his last 3 jobs because he doesn't show up some days, and when he does, he puts in 4-5 hours.

Because of this, we lost our house. He doesn't have any money to pay me alimony. I am disabled from a head injury and cannot work. Because he can't keep a job, I'll most likely have to move someplace that is less expensive.

Because we have no insurance I can't get the medical help I need. I feel like he's totally destroyed my life, and he doesn't care. I hope once we are divorced I will have less interaction with him.

He is in a bad position, too. He doesn't have a job, he can't pay for his medication, and he can only afford one more month of rent while he tries to find another job. I can only hope that he does get a job so that I can get alimony. But if it weren't for that, I'd like to see him completely destroyed with no hope for any kind of future. As much as he tries to blame me for everything, he knows it's his own fault. He knows he was successful, and that it was his own fault that he destroyed everything. I'd like to seem him suffer with the same extreme depression that he's caused me, and know that it was all his fault and he has nothing to live for.

Friends (2):

Mutual Friends (2):